Good Times, Bad Times
November 5, 2002 by David BlackmanPeople often ask me "What's it like being a columnist for The Daily?" (Well, people don't generally ask me this, because I make it loud and clear to those around me how hard it is to be one).
Believe it or not, there are downsides to being a columnist. I'm always worried that I'm going to hit a dud. One week, I just won't be able to turn it on, and I'll let everyone down. I worry about revealing too much, like telling a story about someone I know who doesn't want it told, and then souring the relationship. Or my friends will all start worrying about what they tell me for fear it'll turn into column fodder. Or telling a story about myself that shouldn't be in the wild and permanently affecting how people view me.
My week starts on a Tuesday. By then, the pain of writing last week's column is merely a distant memory, and lots of random people are coming up to me and telling me how much they enjoyed reading it. This is incredibly cool. I love getting feedback from my readers - it's that approval that keeps me writing publicly. I'm never quite sure what to say to these random people other than "thanks." Don't get me wrong - I sincerely mean it. So if you've talked to me and felt put off, don't worry. I really do love hearing from y'all. I'm only a piddly freshman columnist for a piddly college newspaper; I don't have THAT big of a head YET.
Wednesday is still pretty good. My Saturday evening column deadline is still a long way away, and there's enough of a constant stream of compliments about Tuesday's column making me feel like there's no way I could do any wrong.
By Thursday I'm starting to worry about what to write about and the realization has set in that I've added a virtual two-unit course to my schedule with the addition of this stupid column that makes me sign away my publication rights and doesn't even pay me. It's usually around now that I think about quitting. Then I see a copy of my column on someone's door, and I remember that I really love writing, and that one was so good that I reward myself by putting off thinking of a topic until tomorrow.
Friday! Today I get to bitch about not having a topic and consider using the "I have no topic and have a column due tomorrow" topic (I'm saving that one for when I have a six to eight page paper due the next day, as opposed to this week's three to four page one). Perhaps I sit down and start my column. In all probability I do something terribly neurotic instead, like organizing my MP3s. At some point during the day, my RA will beg me not to write anything bad about him - he's a little paranoid. Other Oterans keep asking for shout outs, and some of them deserve it. I'm thinking as a way to help pay for late night pizzas; I should start taking paid advertisements in this column. Shout outs to Morgan, my reluctant editor, Minna, my reluctant sounding board, Nina, my reluctant muse, Sarah and Sarah, my wholesome groupies (Can you believe I have groupies? Wholesome ones at that?).
In reality, all my writing gets done at some point on Saturday. This is when all my weird writing quirks come out. If I'm writing in my room, I need to be using my laptop, on my bed, lying prone. And I can't be wearing jeans; I need to be wearing O.R. scrubs ("Oh, are they?" "Rushmore" is a great movie) on my legs. Music choice is also key - needs to be something that won't irritate me, doesn't require too much mental effort and is somewhat calming. If I'm outside . . . well, I'm going to be heading to my room once I realize how terribly trite and contrived it is to be sitting outside with a coffee cup and my laptop.
The only thing that would complete the image of the young, struggling writer is a black clamshell Powerbook (like the one Carrie has on "Sex in the City" - speaking of which, every week I consider writing about courtship at the Farm and am then reminded by my editor that the only restriction on my column is "stay away from dating." So I figure I can talk about meeting members of the opposite gender, and sex, but nothing in between. Let's just say there's material to work with in this area. So by Saturday night (Sunday morning), I have my 5,000 words. Not that I'm happy with any of them, or even my topic.
Sunday consists of editing my column by doubling the length of it, then cutting out all the original text and significantly changing the topic and resubmitting it to my editor.
Monday night I copy edit. This is usually the first time my words get to see a spell checker. Also the first time I put any thought into a title or a byline. See, I love long titles. The Daily gives me three to four words. I like titles like "This Column Has No Point OR How I learned to stop worrying and write stream of consciousness." My byline is supposed to be witty and funny, but since I don't even think about it until I've finished butchering my column down to the 5,000-character limit and am feeling rhetorically drained, it's usually a painful process. Minor edits at The Daily, removal of cuss words, and I have a seven-hour reprieve before my week starts again.
Oh yeah, and at some point during the week, I go to class, do my homework, hang out with my friends and eat.
I've tried to write columns that everyone can relate to, I'm sorry if this one doesn't work. Don't worry, next week I'll talk about my goals for the next four years or maybe laundry. Yeah. Laundry sounds like a good topic.
David Blackman is a freshman. Please send him topic ideas for next week's column ASAP at blackmad@stanford.edu
David Blackman is a freshman. Please send him topic ideas for next week's column ASAP at blackmad@stanford.edu
